Shakedown
by I.C. Weener
Summary: Breakdown. You're busted.


" _As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a gangster."_

\- Andy Dufresne, The Green Mile

* * *

Shadow Sae's chances weren't something you could bet on. All of her tiny demonic minions had been cleared from the board. She was surrounded by Phantom Thieves fixing to beat her at her own game. In an act of desperation, she waved her arm in witchcraft and made the vibrant outer wall of the Palace throne wall / treasury spin like a giant roulette wheel.

The Phantom Thieves waited in caution as Jackpot signs and cherry icons spun around them in a dizzying blur. The wall slowed its rotations and gradually came back to a stop. The spin ended on a square section of the wall illuminated with the symbol of a gold padlock.

Shadow Sae lowered her head to hide her face under her cartwheel hat. Finally she rolled something that had put the odds back in her favor. She smiled partly in relief, and partly in hideous mischief.

The Phantom Thieves looked up in unison as a faint whistling sound loomed in the distance above. Giant combination safes dropped from the sky like Tex Avery anvils. The party separated in panic to avoid the falling traps. Most of the Thieves managed to keep their freedom, but Panther and Fox were caught under the shadows of two safes just as they slammed to the ground.

The one Shadow Sae split into three equally menacing Shadow Saes. Her two copies hovered over the locked safes and phased through their metal armor.

* * *

Ann was surrounded by four walls and a ceiling of cramped solid steel. She tried to punch her way out of the safe by pounding her knuckles into the door. The instant her left glove touched the metal, her hand changed to gold and became magnetically welded in place. She impulsively punched with her right and just wound up getting both arms stuck. Leaning forward with nowhere to go, she cursed herself under her breath.

She froze when she heard Shadow Sae's disembodied laughter inside the safe with her.

"Mmm, a patient for my veterinarian clinic," the Shadow taunted. "I'm so glad you could drop in."

Sae appeared beside Ann with a giant grin on her lips and a demented gleam in her yellow eyes. She glossed over Panther's glossy red latex duds and chuckled at her Pyramidal predicament.

"You're going to be sorry if you try anything funny, you bitch!" Panther growled with contempt.

Sae knelt to the floor without giving any hints as to what she had planned. She rested the side of the head against Ann's hip as her eyes innocently away in the opposite in the opposite direction. Her painted black nails tiptoed over Ann's lower back and scratched at the metal tab where she stored her tail-whip, working it loose until it started to move down its silver zipper track. Sae pulled the tab the rest of the way down Pather's back end, through the space between her thighs, and up to the front of her pelvis. Sae carefully stretched apart the unfastened seam of Phantom Thief suit to give herself easier access to the exposed girly stuff underneath.

"Hey! What the hell are you doing?" Ann shouted through clenched fangs, struggling to look over her shoulder with her hands welded to the wall. Her objections never escaped the soundproof safe.

Sae held her left hand on Ann's thigh to keep the zipper open. She held her right hand in the air as her thumb rubbed greedily against her forefinger.

"Sorry, kitty," she said with obviously phony remorse. "What I've got for you isn't exactly a yarn ball."

A small gold coin was magically conjured in the friction between Sae's fingers. One side was stamped with her smiling Shadow likeness and the motto ONE LIFE – ONE ETERNITY OF OBEDIENCE. The other side of the coin showed the Eye of Providence and was engraved with PROPERTY OF NIJIMA MINT. She turned the coin sideways and moved her right hand closer to Panther's legs.

Shadow Sae carefully slid the coin in where it needed to go, and Ann made a small gasp. Shadow Sae nudged Ann's reset button, and Ann became a Tom who squeaked like a Jerry. Shadow Sae zipped the Phantom Thief garb right back up to hide the evidence of foul play.

Panther squeezed her eyes shut and panted as she became lightheaded. Shadow Sae pressed her ear into the latex wrinkles covering Panther's waist and listened. She purred as the coin compounded interest and circulated through Ann's system.

* * *

Invisible hands started turning the combination nobs on the two locked safes. The Phantom Thieves watched in bewilderment while Shadow Sae watched in knowing excitement. The nobs spun toward the right and stopped on the number 6. They spun toward the left and stopped on 6 again. They spun toward the right and stopped on 6 for the final time. The safes unlocked in unison and disappeared.

Panther and Fox were looking a bit cashed-in. The rebellious spirit in their eyes had been replaced with bright gold circles adorned with tiny cent signs. The postures of the male and female Phantom Thieves were coy, mischievous, and ready to spring into attack. The Shadow witch chuckled as she was flanked by her loyal cat familiar and her demon fox.

"Piggy bank. Coin purse. Help me do away with these Phantom Punks," Sae instructed with a stern voice.

Ann crouched forward and snapped her whip between her hands. Yusuke acted like he had aspirations of being the Hamburglar.

"Does any of this come off as a little strange to you guys?" Skull asked the other members of his party.

"Seems like a perfectly normal Persona game to me," Noir shrugged.

* * *

 _Author's note: Doubloon in the vagoon._


End file.
